SPIRITUAL CHALLENGE – “Prepare to be a Powerful Presence”

Quite often when someone is hurting, the best thing you can do is just be present to them. Sit with them, maybe hold a hand. Your presence is powerful and enough. You don’t have to find a wise thing to say, you don’t have to have answers. Just being there is good medicine.

Sometimes however, just being there isn’t enough. When hatred and bigotry rear up in conversation, it may be necessary to speak up, speak out, and take action. We may be called to make our presence known. This month’s theme is Presence, and my challenge to you is to prepare yourself to respond to hateful rhetoric. This includes making a plan for how you can respond and how you can’t. Not all of us are able to speak up, intervene, or take action in a given situation. Different levels of privilege, personal emotional and physical health restrictions, differences in size, strength, and personality all contribute to what any individual can and can’t do. There is something that everyone — every single one of us — can do, however. We can have a plan for how we will respond when the time comes. My challenge to you is to make that plan.

First of all, make a pledge to form a plan to speak up and speak out to the best of your ability and to your level of personal safety. This may require giving some serious thought to how far you’re willing to go. It’s never OK for someone to deny another person’s humanity and dignity. We can’t simply agree to disagree when the disagreement is about the equal humanity of any person.

Then, prepare some phrases so when you hear the hateful, hurtful words you know what you can say, you’ll have the response ready. Here are some helpful phrases to practice so you’re not at loss for words:
• That’s not funny to me. Those types of jokes are not OK.
• I’m sorry, what was that you just said?
• I need a moment to process that.
• Please choose your words carefully and be respectful.
• That comment makes me uncomfortable.
• Maybe you don’t realize the impact of your words.
• Can you explain to me what you mean by that?
• You may not realize it, but what you said can be interpreted as being (racist, sexist, homophobic, etc.)

Always assess the situation, and decide if this is a time you can speak up or if anyone speaking up might provoke a more violent response than just words. If you decide to speak up and challenge someone who is spouting hate and hurt, focus on their behavior, not their character. Make an appeal to their character, give them the benefit of the doubt that the hurtful words they’ve spoken don’t reflect the goodness in their heart. Set a boundary and draw a line for good behavior such as “I don’t let other adults speak to me that way,” or “I find that type of language offensive and hurtful, I do not want you to use it around me.” If you’re in public, look for allies to draw into conversation.

Here are some practical resources for speaking up and speaking out when you hear hateful and harmful rhetoric:
• The Southern Poverty Law Center web pages on Responding to Everyday Bigotry
• The Anti-Defamation League’s Guide to Responding to Bigoted Words
• A PPTX presentation outlining Essential Partners’ strategy for communicating across differences.
• NPR piece on How to Approach the Holidays with People You Deeply Disagree With

As always, I’d love to hear from you about your experience with this challenge.